Group Therapy, and a little A.D.D

so, i have this idea. And so far my friends think that this could work. Well lately, I have been having depression issues, and yes i have a therapist. And i know what you are thinking, why would someone want to be a psychologist when she needs it herself, but it's different for me. But anyway, my idea is having a group therapy for my peers that are having issues. But instead of the traditional group therapy where you just tell your thoughts and issues. This group would be anonymous with confessing. How you would do this is by having a bag in the center of the circle and everyone writes on a post-it note and confesses what there issues are about, you wouldn't use any names and etc. And the group would talk about the issue and how you could solve them, that way the person who is troubled can find a resolution and no one would know.

sound like a good idea?

memories of dad

Saturday mornings, sitting around our pajamas watching whatever could be on in the mornings, going to the Trans Am club and talking about cars, then off to lunch at Old Country Buffet. Looking at those huge hands as you tried to match up yours. He let you eat all the junk food while mom . got frustrated at the Saturday food habits. tickle fights, being tucked in bed, goofiness, laughs and giggles, and the best of all; being daddy's little girl.

Then those teenage years approach, over protection from the boyfriends, deep discussions about the future, and the better understanding of life and happiness. Homework help, comfort when upset. Your hugging being when you cried, the family stories passed down. Tight hugs of fear that his little girl is growing up. His prickly kisses on the cheeks from his mustache. Wanting to follow his career. teaching how to play guitar hero. Best friends.

Those are those moments of your life, were they will always be apart of you, those memories that will last forever.

missing class

The whole idea of missing a few days of school is unfair.

Missing school because your sick, because you can't lift your stuffy, clogged up, red nosed body or even a loss of a family member should be an excuse to give some slack to the kids, especially the ones that actually try in school and rarely miss class. And then the teachers give them a hard time about not understanding/doing the work is stupid. It makes sense that you don't want the kids to fall behind, but comee onnnn. Give the kid a break, they just lost someone/can't even pick up there head off the pillow and defiantly could not solve questions or problems. Now tell me, is that fair?

Man eaters

Man eaters, That is the topic for today. Books, TV, even School girls, are man eaters. What ever happened to dignity or even respect. Come on girls, it's one thing to go all the way, but to do that with someone you barely know and the next day be all over another dude. I am not pointing any fingers *ahem* but seriously have you ever heard of sexual diseases. We are only 15 and hooking up shouldn't even be an idea to consider.

What i honestly don't understand, what is the joy of receiving a one night stand with no feelings or emotional connection. Do you honestly feel happy that you as a woman just lost respect of your friends and maybe even family?

Those people seriously bother me. I can understand if you are in a relationship or a very serious love connection and you are doing that, but not being in a relationship and just letting yourself do that is just pathetic. If you do that, you disappoint me. Don't even blame the guy, it's not his fault, if you put yourself in that situation you had it coming, it was your fault you had a big fat sign on your forehead that says, "I AM A WHORE AND PROUD. COME HAVE SEX WITH ME!" I usually have an open mind about everything, but being pro for that is just out of the question. I know it has been occurring for a long time, but where has your brain gone? All i can say is wow.

bad news

"Michelle, I have bad news"

I hate, hate, hate that phrase!

it makes my stomach go in twisted turns that i didn't even know was possible, and i feel like i am going to throw up, then i start feeling anxious, my heart starting pounding a beat that is twice as normal. I start thinking something extremely terrible is going to happen and then i start to think of something extremely great. but i can never get it down to the middle and chill out. No, i have to freak out and think of everything and anything that person could say that would be terrible, then i start feeling emotions. then i finally read/listen to what they tell me and it is stupid, sooo stupid that is just something that involves plans, goals, etc, you name it. then i yell at myself saying, "look what you did Michelle! you made such a big deal out of it" my brain starts to get random aches on my scalp, it feels like little needles that are poking around the inside of my head trying to get out. so, the next time you tell me that you have bad news, they better be BAD news.

:)

goals

Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals Goals

I don't think i have written enough goals as much as i have now, and i am taking it into literal terms, not counting the many "goals" that i have put above. I am going nuts. I was writing in my summer journal for school, and then out of no where i randomly start becoming insane with a "Goal Book" that includes, financial goals, school/ college goals, Life goals on what i really want to do, year goals, and accomplishing for the year goals. I AM NOT EVEN IN COLLEGE, and i am worrying about finanical issues. as i am writing all of this down in a 1-subject wide ruled notebook, my mind is racing faster than i can run, Faster than my bike, Faster than a car, FASTER than an instant forward on a movie. then 9 seconds later i just stop, completely stop what i am doing and just sit there, my mind is still spinning, still going, but i just soak in all the energy of my dim light in my room, and just melt in my seat, and then i come back.

This seems to happen to me sometimes. I worry about my future, i worry if i can live a happy life, I worry about all of these GOALS! sometimes i even wonder if this is normal, I am only 15.

I wish this would stop...

beautiful

Love is beautiful, People are Beautiful, Life is Beautiful.

Lately, after my Father's death I've been really gloomy, and even though it's been months since he died, it still hurts. Recently a friend told me, "Appreciant what you have, you are Lucky." And you know what? I am, i really am. Everyone is so shallow, and selfish for the things that they don't have, and they whine about not having what they want, but really We all should be happy for what we have. Before we know it, things we do that are going to go away and we could never just live life like everyone expects us to do. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, we should study that phrase for a moment and really think about it, because really, it is. No matter what obsticles we go through it is our choice whether or not we make a good desicion and our outcome will become from what we decide. We shouldn't blame life for that, we did what we wanted to do. If we all didn't experience the things that occurred to us, we wouldn't be in the situation and experience we are now.

Prompt 2

Depending on our feelings towards making decisions;

I believe that having someone do something to guide them for their feelings should be acceptable. When someone does something it is concentrated on your comfortably and what you think is the right thing to do. Not all the time your feelings are correct, but it's called a "gut" feeling, which most of the time, is the right thing.

Depending on people, their emotions to make important decisions can't be pressuring. For instance, if they have a job to do, like a surgeon choosing whether or not a person should have surgery. The issue is that the patient has high blood pressure, a single parent, and with a young child. That can be difficult for the sympathy for the surgeon, especially if that patient didn't make it through the procedure. So not all the time, doing something from your emotions are the greatest, especially the guilt or risk.

Also in life generally, everyone is guided by their thoughts and feelings of making a decision. Usually when we want something we are going to have this "feeling" that we need or want that. It's just how a human is made, but the outcome isn't always the best, depending on the the "want" or "need" that person is considering to do.

Making a good decision is sometimes very difficult. In an average day in life, I think yes, it is good to make a good decision on our thoughtsm emotions, and feelings.

truth?

Isn't this what the world is coming to, pardon me, isn't this what the world has established towards? But then again we put up this bullshit with the peace, love, and happiness crap that has been overly used, but yet we have done absolutely nothing about it! This morning it had finally hit me, and more i think about it, why put up signs of lies when some people should just write Sex, money, and power written on there foreheads! i mean that's why they are living! for that bullshit, what happened to the old times where none of that mattered?!

love statement for kids

okay, in English class we had to write a paper for 10 minutes on our opinion of this statement on the overhead. My teacher thought it was well said;

Statement: Kids these days! they think that love conquers all, when they don't even listen or respect their elders;

I believe that this statement is true. Kids don't see what is really needed in a relationship. For example you need trust, loyalty, patience, understanding, and responsibility. Kids are too naive on the consequences of falling in love, especially at a young age and also the perfect balance of of relationships with family, also. Even though no matter what we face in life, we are always going to have our highest of the high and our lowest of the low, but even love can't solve that. Love has to have discipline, rules, and boundaries-Not all kids understand that til they are older. Things do matter besides love and you most defiantly have to have, respect for your elders, if you want them to respect your relationship. Love is way different for young kids as it is for when you get older.

GOAL?

Okayy, Well i've got this goal in life.
I made this goal, because i am paranoid of becoming homeless and struggling.
Now i am not sure, if i am the only but i've got my whole future planned out.
First finish high school, fall going to Penn State or Christopher Newport University for my bachelor's degree and go to ODU for my master's or doctoral's in Psychology. And I want to counsel for the kids that lost there parent(s), so i can connect with them. I plan on staying in Virginia Beach so i can stay connected with my mother and so she can help me take care of my kid.

Am i worrying too much and i'm going insane. or is this normal?

why?

What cherish bliss one can be, then again to the point where you will never know if you will ever be the same. One day you can be happy and another day going deeper and deeper into the hole of insanity. You can't waste your life on dreading, KEEP moving, and just keep moving forward. Things are moving too fast, for ones' being to be a one state of mind.

Hmm, I think it's quite funny you know?
with the none sense of people telling me that "they hate life, it sucks, they could drink themselves till they are sober && etc." really? you really want to say that? when someone will ask that question simply ask "why?" And watch how there face can see as through, you can see there mind, there mind of immaturity, and centering of attention. I used to be like that, but i've moved on, i have better things to do than to just soak up the attention and judgment of others, I am better than that. It's great to be the entertainer, but not great to have the entertain of being the attention of nothing.

Really, this blog has no subject, there is meaning but it is mixed around, now tell me. Do you understand me? or am i really going insane ?

wow, i finally figured it out

No one in life is ever going to be truly happy, you can have moments of happiness, but never perfection. I am not saying life sucks, but merely a fact that everyone will have a problem with something. Like fights, sadness, something happens that you don't want to do. But you can have happiness, but moments like getting married, falling in love, going to amusement parks, and etc.

Also, I finally figured out. I am a character of one's book. As crazy as i might sound it's true. My drama and catastrophe is just the rising action of my life on a writing pyramid chart. And my job is that i have to finish this book with a good finish so that the author(god) can make my book a good seller.
I really don't know what i am saying, but it just came to me that, because of me going though a hard time and this time has been the worst for me that this maybe the rising action, and my climax will conclude where i finish high school and college and get married and have kids. Oh i really hope that what i'm saying is right.

I just really hope things will come out right. and I will fall in love without disappointment.
...i don't want to be a loss-cause anymore.

(I love this song, but it describes what i am going through, which sucks)

Its monday, and it feels like friday.
I hate drama, it can take it and shove it up the butt! :D

So i went to the dentist and i got purple rubber bands and I was the freaking experiment to this new girl that TOOK FOREVER just to get the bottom wire in and i got a thicker wire though, my teeth hurt.

Omg i am with Kerry and it so amazing. We are listening to a whole bunch of Mayday Parade. I feeds the souuullll.
And Kerry keeps telling me that i can't type without misspelling things....like right now.
and that i take forever to write a bulletin(myspace).

Oh and my mom did the funniest thing. My mom was explaining what a (thon-gon) which means noogie. Well actually peanut(?) or like my mom likes to put it Penis. xD it was great, you just had to be there for it.

Well i am trying to find a postcard to turn in to Post Secret. :)

AWE

from kerry when i just got my laptop. :D


michelle, i love you so much it's like crazy! you are amazing and suuuuper cool. :)
i know your going through a really hard time right now, but i also know that you are a strong independent and amazing
girl and that you will get through this no matter how it turns out. everything happens for a reason, and that means
behind all of this insanity there is a reason. God is there for you, as are all of us, and we will never let you down.
you are incredible and silly. :P everytime we hangout it's insane. and we go on adventures to starbucks where cute
dancing guys await, and then walk back only to have the supper duuuper strong wind spit coffee on us. your a lot of fun to chill wiff
and your one of my best friends. i can trust you with anything, things that i would never dream of telling anyone else.
and it's weird cause i have kind of known you for the shortest time. you and i make weird videos and sing weird songs. we have a really
weird taste in music that is almost the same. were sisters. :) no matter what i don't want to loose you, cause were
gonna grow up and live together. ahaha, and get married together... bridesmaids duh! :P your obsession with lavalamps is really funny,
and it's priceless to watch you watch it. :P well, before i go i need to say one more thing... you just lost the game. :)
I LOVE YOU MICHELLE. :D


-kerry callan. :) <3>

Burned

I am reading this book called Burned, and when i was having a really bad day, i read something that really inspired me;

"I believe that there is a God, but He isn't like the God I've been taught to fear. God is love, and he respects love. Whether it's between a parent and child, a man and woman, or friends. I don't think that He cares about religion one little bit. Live your life right. Love with all your heart. Don't hurt others, and help those in need to know. Don't worry about Heaven. If it exists, you'll be welcome." -burned

I thought this was amazing. :)

Awe

Awe, i absolutely love my friends, they hacked my myspace. :D and put this;

KERRY&IRISH HACKED. :D
michelle, i love you.
with a passion, i love you.
and you are my butt buddy.
i love our SBS. :D
and your amazing, incredible, strong, and smart.
<3 i know you'll make it through whatever life throws at you. but know, we'll be there to help, whenever. [:



they are amazing. :D

My photography

After a really long break from photography I have become very passionate
and I decided to actually upload some photos on my flickr, which you should totally go on if you like this picture, or if you don't just check it out. :)

http://flickr.com/photos/miichellexxlee/

here's a few photo's i took;;

I have not been having a good week,
Family has been making me upset and I have yelled at my mother for the first time.
....not good. :(
There are a lot of things that i can't seem to be getting out of my brain.
All of these things just seem to make my brain wrack around my head bouncing off of each corners of my mind.
I have definitely learned a lesson from many things.
1. If your parents are going through separation, and one of them is having a difficult time, don't push it towards them, they are doing the best that they can.
2. be understandable and stay strong, as much as you want to show your weak side to the world, you need to show that your better than that.
3. Even though chocolate makes you happy, you eat too much of it, it'll make you sick.

(this picture is suppose to be animated and has nothing to do with my blog)
I really scare myself sometimes. I keep forgetting the most important things and remembering the less. (ex:I forgot that i was in high school, I forgot who my parents were, and what day of the week it was) I don't know, i am getting a little freaked out. But today i had an interesting day, Ted came over and fix my computer and put it to be wireless in like 2 minutes, no joke. :)
Photography has been coming back from the long break i took from it. I am addiccttedddd to naturrrrree. ♥
Well i don't have much to say today, but i feel enthusiastic and inspired.
but i miss my parents being together. :(

the REAL change

Since i was younger and til present, i have always said the words, "I want a change." Whether it would be near the beginning of new years, or for the fact that i was bored and i wanted that thrill. I have always wished and hoped for that "change". After all the wishing and hoping, change finally smacked me straight in the face where i was on the ground and i was trying to get back up on my feet.
You see, when someone says they want "change" you can't just get change because you want to, or you just think that you want something new. You really gotta need it, it might take a lost love, a trip to rock bottom, a broken heart, or a lesson that came with cosequences. I wanted it so much, but i didn't want all of it to just happen all at the same time. No one will understand "change" till you are the one that gets smacked in the face and realize of what you need to change in your life. Change is when you finally realize that you must earn the love and respect of others, you'll never expect the impossible, and you won't be disappointed. Its that real change in life when you finally grow up, not in age, but in heart. its that change when we begin to build of our strength from the pain we brought upon ourselves and find out the honestly and joy that we all really need in our purpose in life. And what we believe we can become. Quotes from the wise say to change you must be bold and it takes a real push of determination to become bold. You must also allow your lifestyle to build a platform and be willing to personally stretch yourself. Change really is something you have to reach out to that moment when we are content with whatever life takes us, wherever it flows. It is that change when we truly open our eyes to see what we need to do to become the better of ourselves.

Today, I was talking to my friend that told me that i could tell anything thing to them. and I came to realize that as soon as they said that, my mind hit way back to the past where all the problems and hardships i went through. Then i realized it, You can never run away from something, because you will always some how deal with it in the future. And you just have to face your own personal conflict into consideration.

I am sorry if i did a bad job. I just started today. :)